Little one, mommy had a very hard time getting your first appointment. I went to work but that morning, I found everything so so sad. I kept crying, in heaps and sobs, while Daddy drove me to work.
I was just crying at everything and I couldn’t stop.
I came to work and when my boss asked how I am, I broke down again. I didn’t understand it but I was so overwhelmed with sadness. She was understanding enough to let me take the day off.
I spent the entire day in sadness, crying, sobbing, and it took only the slightest thing to trigger it. I tried to stop but the upheval of tears were too much for me to bear. Trying to understand it made me even sadder and cry more. Daddy took urgent leave to be with me.
The next day, I woke with vertigo. I spent the day in bed because any slight movement set my world spinning.
I spent the day trying to call KK 24h clinic, the main line. Emailing and smsing them didn’t help either. I didn’t know what’s the blood test result or if my appointment on Thursday was confirmed. KK need to have someone actually man their communication lines. So dumb to advertise all their lines of communication but no response.
Mommy decided to tell mommy’s closest friends. I was bleeding so much and I needed their prayers. Bleeding could mean an ectopic pregnancy. 😦
When I saw the doctor on Thursday, she said my HcG level is low. It should have doubled from Mon’s reading of 338…but I was only at 537. She asked about the bleeding and she said there is a chance it could be a tubal pregnancy.
As I laid on the bed with the probe in me, I tried so hard not to cry. We don’t know for sure that we can’t find you and we don’t know for sure if you were in the womb or in the fallopian tube. I know the nurse and the doctor were trying not to alarm me until the scan results. They answered non-commitally when I asked if they could find you and if I’m supposed to be bleeding this much.
We had to wait another 2 hours for the scan result. I know I had to be positive and think it, I know I had to leave it to God… but I couldn’t help feeling what if. You are Daddy’s hope. I didn’t want to disappoint or lose you before I even had the time or chance to accept you.
Thankfully, the doctor said there is the yolk present and you are in my womb. However, I’m not supposed to bleed so much and I have to monitor it. They can’t tell your health yet. They transferred me to a scan on 21st Jan at AMK clinic.
You are Daddy’s gift for his birthday. I hope you are fine and strong in me. I am trying not to cry too much. I wish I could stop it.
Little one, this is for you. 