After the miscarriage, another obstacle hit us. A breast lump just behind my nipple surfaced. It was hard, unlike any other cyst, or lumpy breast syndrome that you have when you near your period.
It hurt.
I was woken up by the pain and shocked to feel that. What could it be?
We went to the doc and was referred to a breast specialist for an urgent consultation.
Dr Chuwa at Gleneagles is a really kind, understanding and motherly figure. She and her team of nurses handled us with care and concern (and dare I say, enthusiasm when we went into operation to ease my worry!) from the very first visit.
She took a scan measurement of the lump and asked us to monitor if it grew. We were to come back and if it’s grown, we will see what happens from there.
The next visit was 2 weeks later. Unfortunately, the lump has grown and was now pushing against my nipple. A sample tissue was taken and examined by lab. 2 days later, we were back at the clinic and the results weren’t good.
The lump had grown rapidly and was now 2cm. It’s continuing to grow which suggests an abnormal growth. If I didn’t remove it, I would not be able to breastfeed and there is a chance that it could be breast cancer.
I broke down when she explained about the surgery. I was fine with going through the surgery but the combination of receiving this news plus going through the loss of our loved one was too much.
I nodded as she showed me slides of possibilities of nipple or breast reconstruction, if needed. I was fighting back my tears but it was no use. I had to go the surgery to stop the lump from growing. Potentially, after the surgery, I could lose my nipple too. With any surgery, there is always a risk of complications and possible after-effects.
We scheduled for surgery in the next 3 days. It was a scramble of informing our employers to hand over work/cover duties, family and checking with insurance to help with finances.
Surgery is not cheap. With only 3 days to settle everything, we had to ask family to standby some cash for us. Thankfully, I was covered under spouse insurance by hubs’ employer and our insurance would cover us. It was having the cash upfront first just in case the hospital needed us to pay and then seek reimbursement. We were looking at $10k.
The day of the surgery, we tried to make light of the situation. I was very nervous. I didn’t know what would happen and I didn’t know if I’d still be awake after. I just know that this all happened so fast. And God has really given me so much challenges in a short span of time. I accepted it and I sympathise that my husband had to go through so much shit this past few months because of me. It was a test of our endurance as a couple.
I remember being wheeled across floors, making conversation with nurses who assured and reassured me and husband, having Dr Chuwa’s staff come and make joke with me. Even my anesthetic person was awesome. They asked me repetitive questions as part of the protocol – name, age, IC, where am I, which side of the breast is my lump at, whether I wanted to go home or stay in the hospital after the surgery. I teared seeing my husband with me through all of this. Such love from him.
As I waited to be wheeled into the operating theatre, I listened to the gentleman beside me cracking jokes with the nurse. He said he’s been in surgery 3 times. If he didn’t know where he was, he better make sure this is the last surgery he’s going to.
I looked at the white hospital lights as I was wheeled. I looked at the nurses’ kind faces as they smiled and say they will see me in a few hours. When Dr Chuwa came, I smiled as I saw her Tory Burch earrings and thought ‘Wow, those are damn nice.’ She comforted me again that I’d be able to breastfeed after the surgery and she’s looking forward to seeing me at the end.
They placed the anesthesia on me and asked to inhale deeply and count to 10. I lost count and fell into blackness.
I was woken up with gentle patting and someone calling my name. She said surgery was over and it’s a success. I smiled but I was way too groggy. I drifted back to sleep.
I heard my husband’s voice and opened my eyes to see him. I drifted off to sleep again.
It wasn’t till later that the effects wore off. Well, it didn’t completely wear off as my body seemed to had a lot of it! It wouldn’t comply when I wanted to move. I looked at the bandage across my nipple. I survived. The lump was successfully taken out.
I took lots of fish essence after the operation to help in the healing process. It hurts when I stretch my arm. The little stitch was still sore.
The miscarriage was a blessing. Irregardless if I was pregnant or not, I’d have to go through the surgery as the lump was a risk. There’s always a reason for things happening. And this was it.
Life resumed for us as we left behind the memories of our ordeal. I scheduled a breast lump check for the next 6 months and shared with everyone I know the importance of having insurance and a breast check. A woman should be empowered to know what’s normal for her breasts to feel like and what’s not. Going to the free breast lump check should be a motivation not a deterrent that someone is going to find out something is wrong.
Early detection helps a lot in the long run. Don’t take anything for granted.
Little one, this is for you. 