Our first angel went back to the Almighty in Feb ’14. You can read about that here.
After a miscarriage, the body takes about 3 months to recover. Just like childbirth. A fellow mommy said that miscarriage is like having 2 births – your body is in shock, preparing for birth that will not happen and fast-forwarding to giving birth, just no baby. That’s how my lump grew. It was a trigger of hormones plus blocked milk ducts. My body was confused and in that confusion, a lump grew. My post about discovering that is available here.
I went to a gynae for a 2nd opinion on my hormones. Unfortunately, 6 mths after, I’m still urinating more often, still experiencing hot flushes, and the mood swings, and my period was irregular. It gave us a few skipped heartbeats every time it came earlier or later, never on time anymore, that I grew tired of charting my menstrual cycle.
The gynae prescibed me Clomid, which i WILL NEVER recommend to anyone, unless you’ve been trying very hard for a child.
The gynae prescribed it to encourage ovulation. His theory was that my body wasn’t ovulating well so since we were trying anyway, this medicine would help my body to stabilise the hormones by actually helping us to get pregnant.
The downside was… I experienced majority, if not ALL, the side effects.
From advancedfertility.com:
Clomid side effects
Clomid treatment has some potential for adverse effects. Side effects are definite “cons” of clomiphene use. Adverse effects are seen in some, but not all women using the drug.
- Mood swings, psychological / emotional side effects
- Hot flashes
- Abdominal discomfort
- Visual disturbances
- Ovarian cyst formation
- Nausea
- Thinning of the uterine endometrial lining
- Reduced production of cervical mucous – this can lower fertility (bypassed by insemination)
I was soooo depressed, Daddy couldn’t bear to see me through it. I was moody, not talking, I just wanted to be alone. On days he worked the afternoons, or if he left for night shift, I cried myself to sleep again and again. It was not a wonderful feeling to have.
When I told people I was on this pill, their reactions were as expected. They didn’t understand. They thought the problem was I couldn’t get pregnant, that I was on drugs (medically) all this time and think what it would do to my liver, I was dependent on drugs to get pregnant, that I was having depression.
I was angered at all that because I sought help as my body didn’t realise it wasn’t pregnant anymore. It should have stabilised after a few months but it was still making me feel that I was carrying child. Which was the opposite of what the general population would go through – the body would rectify itself and try to normalise everything.
I wasn’t trying to get pregnant yet – we took it as it is but I was just a mess. I couldn’t get my words out to Daddy…I didn’t know what to say or how to say it. I didn’t even know why I was feeling this way. And he didn’t know how to help me either.
So clomid it was.
And the gynae said we should continue trying as there is an egg to be fertilised. I wasn’t about to let my mood swings and depression go to waste. Or everything that I’d gone through so I made Daddy promise he will try with me.
I kinda forced him actually. He works shifts, meaning he had to put in extra effort and energy, to fulfill this for me.
And so we tried.
My period was as usual, late, and I didn’t want to test although Daddy said we should. I didn’t want to be disappointed like all the previous months when my period was late.
That day, I remember, Daddy was sleeping when I decided that ok, I shall test. Just get it over and done with. We had bought lots of the $1.80 pregnancy test kit from Mustafa, courtesy of Mommy’s best friend’s recommendation. (A branded test kit costs about $20 ok) I was going to work so it was early morning.
I tested and bright as day, it had two lines. Just like the first time.
I rushed to wake Daddy and shoved the kit in his face. He had this Huh look and half-smile, thinking if it’s what I was showing him. We both didn’t dare to be too excited in case it was a false alarm. So the plan was I’d get to work and test again, buying a branded test kit from the supermarket to be sure.
I tested and the result was again, positive.
That was on 6 Nov 2014. You were then called Baby Clo.
Little one, this is for you. 