Although it’s very common (3 out of 4 women would have had a miscarriage before 20 weeks), it is not a trivial matter.
refinery29.com
It is not right to say ‘It’s very common, don’t be sad’ because we are talking about a life(s). We are not talking about getting a cold.
I was lying on the bed, in discomfort from the bulging pain on my uterus/pelvis, and was sharing my readings with hubs that “round ligament pain are more often felt in second pregnancies. That’s so weird. I’d have thought first pregnancy would be when you are stretching and all. And this is so uncomfortable..the weight, pressure and pain pressing on me!”
He gently reminded me that this isn’t my first. I inhaled sharply – both from the pressure pain and from the memory.
I remember that when I finally declared on facebook (my connections are people I actually know. I like to keep my network tight) I’d lost a child and it’s common and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Some people contacted me privately to share their stories of loss. I’d just met an ex-colleague who shared he and his wife went through it as well and it was hard on both of them. The emotions are being opened up again now because they were expecting the same time as their cousin…and that cousin is due soon.
In my heart and mind, I never forget my first. I send prayers his/her way all the time and in a little way, I relive those anguished moments. The bleeding, the confusion, the resentment of my body, the babies popping out everywhere (even my closest friends were having babies).
I saw a gift set of a girl which had a lovely cat stitched on it at Kiddy Palace when we were looking for a gift and before we got pregnant. Immediately, I teared because the little one could have worn that.
It’s not easy but it gets easier when you grief and overcome those stages. Holding it in or pretending it didn’t happen would just open up raw wounds later on.
People who don’t understand or think they are doing you a favour of being tough really isn’t. Again, loss is not something easily comprehensible unless you’ve gone through it.
runningwithsafetyscissors.com
Little one, this is for you. 